175. The Voice

Photograph courtesy of J. Samuel Burner under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license via Wikipedia.

There is only one voice I can always count on to give me sage advice when needed most. I don’t know whose it is, but it’s never failed me. I don’t know where it comes from, but it’s never led me astray.

It comes during crises. It is the cool breeze on scorching days. It is the warm wind when night falls and the desert temperatures drop.

It is rational, objective, positive, and uplifting, all when I am at my worst. I heard it my first night in Romania when I was near panic. It spoke to me as I lay in bed in South Korea when the love of my life, the woman I’d left behind half a world away, was having an abortion. It uttered soothing words when blackness threatened to drag me under as I trembled in the county jail holding cell.

It is a quiet voice. It is not perceptible over the clatter of the chattering mind, but it is there nonetheless. When the mind breaks, when you give up and crumble on the trek through the dark night, it is there.

I’d discovered it long ago. I’d mistaken it for my own inner voice, but it is not. Its tone, its timbre, is different. Some might call it a voice from my deep subconscious mind, and they may be right; others label it as my guardian angel or spirit guide, and I won’t argue. However, I don’t call it anything, except maybe the voice.

It doesn’t need to be believed or named. It only needs to be listened to.

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About Matthew

Born and raised in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma. Graduated high school in San Diego. Graduated from a small college in the Texas panhandle with the double majors of Psychology and Social Work. Was a TEFL Peace Corps Volunteer from 2000 to 2002. Taught ESL in South Korea in 2003, started and operated an internet pharmacy from 2003 until my arrest in April of 2005. From 2007 until 2011 I was an instructor at Father Joe's Village in San Diego.
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